WaT Fallen
by Mariel3
Summary: How it ended. Part 3 of the trilogy. JS
1. Default Chapter

  
  
Hi there! Thanks for the reviews and for hanging in for so long to read the next part. This is the first of probably three sections. As always, your comments are appreciated. Diane beta'd this one too - though, as always, I've tweaked it since she last saw it, so any typos or poorly done edits are totally my fault!

Fallen 1  
by: Mariel

Samantha watched Jack walk through the office area. Something was wrong. Both his walk and his stoney expression screamed that whatever had been discussed in his meeting with Van Doren had thrown him off balance, surprised him in some personal way. Sifting through the papers on her desk, she found something to use as an excuse to go to his door and picked it up.

Standing in his doorway, she said breezily, "I've got the info on the credit card activity, if you're interested."

Jack looked up. Gesturing with his hand, he said, "Come in." When he added, "You'd better close the door," she paused. So she'd been right. Moving the door stop with her foot, she allowed the door to swing closed and then walked over to the chair set in front of his desk. Sitting down in it, she asked in a low voice, "What's wrong?"

His reply tumbled out with no preamble. "Van Doren made a comment about us. About our relationship. She knows."

Her heart stopped. "And you said?"

"There was no point in denying it - she wouldn't have said anything if she wasn't sure of her facts. She warned me off. Reminded me of the consequences of having an affair with someone in my direct line of supervision. Then, when I was ready to leave, she told me to be careful."

Samantha released some of the tension his first words had created. "Then she's not going to do anything about it."

He lifted a hand and rested his back against his chair. "Not yet, anyways. She knows it's not affecting our work. But if she's noticed, others likely have as well."

"So we have to be more careful."

Jack nodded.

Both felt the bitter cool breeze of reality slip into the warm cocoon they had wrapped around their relationship - but it never occurred to them to call it quits.

- - -

"I'm heading home now. Don't stay too late."

Samantha looked up at Jack, surprised by his words. They'd finished early, the girls had their music lessons tonight, and so she'd assumed they'd go to her place for a while.

Not this time.

"Oh," was all she came up with in response.

Jack looked uneasy. "It's been a while since I went straight home, and..." he paused, and she knew what was going through his mind. They had to cool it for a while, spend less time together. Be careful not to expose themselves.

She braved a smile. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

She watched as he nodded and headed for the elevator. Fighting her disappointment, she turned back to her work.

Five minutes later, she started in surprise when a voice directly behind her asked, "Do you feel like a coffee?"

She relaxed as a warm flood of happiness coursed through her. Jack. She turned to look at him.

"Why don't you meet me at Timothy's?" he asked in a quiet voice. "There's no point in going home early - there's no one there. I have another couple of hours before the girls get back."

When Samantha nodded, Jack turned and left. Ten minutes later, she collected her things and followed.

She must have walked more quickly than he, for he was just sitting down at a table set against a back wall when she entered the coffee shop.

"Hey," she said as she drew up to the table.

"Hey," he replied. "I ordered your coffee on the way through. It'll be here in a minute."

"Thanks." She settled into her seat, not sure of what to say next.

"I'm sorry for being so abrupt tonight," he said, breaking the silence.

Her eyes showed him some of her hurt. "I was surprised, that's all."

"I know, and that's my fault. I should be discussing with you what we should do, instead of reacting to things alone." Ruefully, he continued, "We've done a lot of skulking around, but it wasn't until Van Doren had her little talk with me that I started to feel as though we were skulking around." He paused. "Now that she's found out, I'm a bit paranoid. We need to figure out how we're going to handle this. We've got to be more careful. "

She nodded, understanding.

It had been easy to become complacent. Easy to forget that this was an affair. Easy to forget that there were rules and regulations, as well as moral codes and marrage vows that they were breaking. It was, after all, a wonderful thing they were experiencing. Deep down, they had always felt that discretion should have been all that was expected of them. Now they knew differently.

Jack sat looking at her, knowing he didn't want to lose what he had found with her, but newly aware of how wrong what they were doing was. He wondered how long they would have continued on if Van Doren had not spoken to him, wondered if they would have continued happily for years, living lies so that they could share their own truth. Now, he saw that an end was possible, and he shied from the thought.

Samantha leaned back slightly as a waiter left a cup of coffee in front of each of them. When he had left and they were alone again, she looked at the brown liquid and said, "It's never felt like an affair, you know that? At least not the way I imagined an affair would feel." Lifting her gaze, her eyes met his. "It's been so easy-"

Jack reached out warm hands and lightly stroked the fingers that encircled her coffee mug. "Yeah," he said quietly.

Into the gentle silence between them, she continued, "It shouldn't be. Easy, I mean. Affairs are an unnatural thing, aren't they? A spouse breaking vows, someone willing to help them...but I've never felt uncomfortable with what we're doing."

And it was true. Their affair had quickly become an integral, routine part of both their daily lives. An integral part that they needed, enjoyed, and valued. It had felt normal, right...inevitable, and out of their hands. If an affair was the only way they could express their feelings for one another, then an affair was what had to be.

Jack looked at her, his eyes dark. They'd grown so accustomed to planning, plotting, and arranging their times together that it had fallen seamlessly into a regular part of their daily lives. It was like dating, only clandestine.

And God knew clandestine was something they had no trouble with.

"Perhaps this isn't difficult for us because we're so used to keeping secrets."

Samantha looked at him. Recognising the dark, knowing look, she felt startled at first, then relaxed. Of course he would know there were things he didn't know. Just as she knew there were things he did not discuss. She had little time to consider this before he continued, "We've talked about how happy we've been. That hasn't changed. I can't regret us. At least not in the way people would expect me to."

In truth, the selfish part of him could only regret that they had been caught. Having Van Doren confront him had made his reluctantly view what he was doing the way others would, and he hadn't liked what he'd seen. Still, he was selfish enough to want to continue.

So was Samantha.

- - -

Months, weeks... There were times she couldn't remember how long they had been lovers, only that nothing else seemed so important.

Waking early, she lay quietly, not wanting to move for fear of waking him and ruining the moment. Together. They were together. And had been for the past twenty-four hours. Totally. She felt warm, alive, privileged.

When his breathing altered slightly, she turned her head slowly. In the gloom of pre-dawn, she saw his eyes glitter.

"Hey," she said softly, thinking she didn't give a flying fuck about his wife, because Jack was hers and was here where he should be and to hell with what people thought.

"Hey," he replied.

She wanted to slide her body closer against his, wanted to soak up the warmth of his presence. This would end too soon, and would not happen again for who knew how long. Maria would be back with the girls, and he would go back to his routine with them. In turn, she would go back to her routine with Jack. She felt a sadness at that thought she didn't like to examine too closely.

Lifting an arm, Jack said in a low voice, "Come here."

Willingly, she moved closer, welcoming the comfort of his arms.

End

Fallen 1


	2. Chapter 2

Fallen 2  
By: Mariel

She liked him.

Liked his humour, his smile, and his dedication. She liked the way he thought, the way he talked, and the way he looked at her when he spoke. She liked that he cared about what he did each day. Liked that he was solid, sometimes stolid, but never boring. Liked that he was reliable, but at the same time wildly surprising in unexpected ways at unexpected moments. But no matter the twists and turns his mind took, he still made her feel protected when she was with him. Safe. Cared for.

She liked that, too.

And he liked her. He liked the glitter of humour in her eye when she was amused. Liked the way her lips crooked when she smiled. Liked the way her hands moved when she was caught off guard and had to talk and think quickly at the same time. He liked the protective feeling he felt when he thought about her. Liked the way her mind worked, and the way they communicated without speaking. He liked her dedication and her spirit, and yes, liked that she was sometimes affected by what she did each day. He also liked that in some way he couldn't define, she made him feel safe. Cared for. Accepted.

At the beginning of their relationship, the when, where, and how of it had fallen easily into place. That it would end they never stopped to consider. Van Doren, however, had made them wary and respectful (for a time, at least) of the danger of discovery. For the first time since they'd started their affair, they'd been forced to think about what they were doing and where they were going and what would happen should their affair become public.

But only long enough to conclude that they didn't really have to worry. They might be chastised, reprimanded, have their fingers slapped, but when all was said and done, they came to one conclusion: it wouldn't be serious enough for them to have to stop.

- - -

Jack's cell phone rang. Samantha felt him roll over and heard his fingers scrabbling to find it on the bedside table. Finally successful, he put his head back down of the pillow, flipped his phone open, and put it to his ear. "Malone."

Samantha felt Jack's body stiffen and turned to look at him in the darkness.

"Maria," he said, his voice losing almost all traces of sleep.

He listened a moment, then lied easily. "Yeah, I'm home. What time is it, anyway? I turned the phone off. I need some sleep and figured anyone who really wanted to reach me would use the cell number. How's the conference going?"

Samantha heard Maria's tone grow louder and more strident, but could make out none of what she was saying. Jack struggled to a sitting position. Samantha, in turn, reached over to turn on the bedside light. Looking at his face, she could tell there was a problem. Maria had reached him here on his cell phone before, but this time was different. Jack looked at her and raised a cautioning hand. Fear coursed through her. Had something happened to one of the girls?

"I'll be right there. I'll explain-" He was cut off by more loud words, then the sound of a dial tone.

Jack turned a shocked face towards her. "Maria took a late plane out to get home early. She's there now, and knows I'm not." He got out of bed and quickly reached for his clothes. Silence - shocked, guilt-ridden, and impenetrable - hung between them.. Samantha got up and collected some of his things for him. In only minutes, he was ready to go.

Still maintaining silence, she walked him to the door. Once there, she discovered she had no idea what to say in order to break it. 'Good luck' as he left hardly seemed appropriate. They hadn't expected this, had never, in all this time, ever really considered the possibility that Maria might find out. That seemed incredibly stupid, now.

He paused at the door to look at her. Raising a hand to touch her cheek, he told her, "I'll see you in the morning," and then he was gone.

She stood in the hall for several moments after he had left and stared at the door. Lifting a hand that trembled, she pushed hair from her face and turned towards her bedroom. The sudden emptiness of her apartment screamed at her. The fragility of what they'd built together taunted her from the now empty bed. She could feel the cracks in the foundation of their relationship spreading, felt the warm corner of illusion they had created for themselves crumble under the weight of reality. This wasn't going to work. Being found out at work could have been dealt with, but being found out by his wife? Never. She knew him well enough to know he wouldn't, no matter what, risk losing his daughters. There was something psychologically significant in his past he didn't speak of, but she knew it was there all the same, and whatever it was would have him clinging to his daughters - and therefore his marriage - with every ounce of his strength.

For the rest of the night, she wondered what he had faced when he'd got home. Half expecting Maria to throw him out, her subconsious waited for him to return to her door. Unable to sleep, she paced the floor of her apartment restlessly and soon found herself dusting and tidying as a physical outlet for her worry. By dawn, her apartment was immaculate.

By dawn, she knew he would not be returning.

And by dawn, she knew what would have to be done.

- - -

At work the next morning, the team was immediately confronted with two missing persons cases. Jack, unusually late to arrive, had immediately set to work. Only the dark circles under his eyes and an air of distraction hinted to her what must have transpired the night before. Thrown straight into the business of finding a missing six-year old and another case involving a forty-five year old businessman, he and Samantha had no time to speak privately.

On the car ride to speak to the parents of the missing child, Danny glanced over at Samantha and commented, "You look tired."

"I am. Didn't sleep well last night. I'll be okay," she told him. She turned and looked out of the window, signalling it was not something she wanted to talk about.

Danny nodded, and observed casually, "Jack looks pretty out of it today, too."

She didn't respond.

End  
Fallen 2


	3. Chapter 3

I'm not sure if people are going to hate me for this or not, but I had to come up with an explanation for the angst/sexual tension/easy camaraderie I saw first season. How do you end an affair and still maintain what we saw then?

Thanks for the reviews and comments for the earlier pieces in this series! They gladden the heart!  
And is it okay to use this space to ask where the next part of Solitary Wanderer's story is? I'm dyin' here, waiting for the next chapter...and working real hard not to use the title of her story to describe my pain... :

Diane, thanks for the edits!

Again, thanks to the people still reading. It's been fun.

Fallen 3  
by Mariel  
  
How long had it been? It seemed like forever, but not long enough. Months. He knew it had been only months ago they had started their affair. It had been wintertime. Since then, they'd seen spring come and go, loved through the heat of summer and now, the leaves turned crimson in the parks and the cold winds of winter just around the corner, it had to end.  
  
He closed his eyes at the thought. There had been other hurts too difficult to speak of in his life and he recognised this as yet another wound he would carry wordlessly.

He had to walk away. He had to leave a woman who completed him in ways he couldn't explain, end a relationship he didn't want to let go of. It was time to face reality, let go of his selfishness, time to do the right thing and make up for the wrongs he had done. Finally shaken into a true perspective, he knew he had to stay with his family, make amends to his wife for broken vows and protect his children from the hurt of a parent leaving.

Protect them from the damage of having a parent too weak to stay with them.

He'd been selfish, too blindly involved in the moment of his affair to realise what he was truly doing. Now, harsh reality forced him to see a truth that speared his soul. What he had done to his wife and children was, in truth, no better than what his mother had done to him. He'd set them aside. Said goodbye without saying it, left without telling them. He'd given them neither warning nor explanation, offered them no chance to change his course. Blindly, he'd gone ahead with what he wanted, chasing what he felt he needed without giving thought to the ones he was leaving behind.

He, at least, could offer what his mother could not. He could make amends, go back, start over and do it right.

He could keep trying.

He would stay and do whatever it took, make himself happy with what he had. His girls were worth it and he didn't want them to ever think otherwise. And Maria...he winced. They'd lost what they'd started out with a long time ago. He didn't know what they would be able to rebuild, but he would try. The sorrow in his decision he shoved aside.

He felt breathless. Bloodless. Hopeless. Helpless. And determined to do what had to be done.

- - -

The two days since Maria had interrupted their sleep had been long ones, and Jack and Samantha had found no opportunity to speak privately. Now, the office area darkened for the night and the others gone home, they waited - tentative, afraid, reluctant to face what both knew was coming.

She sensed his quiet approach before he spoke. Steeling herself, she waited for him to let her know he was there. When he spoke her name, she turned and looked up at him..

"Jack."

"You're still here."

She nodded. "Yeah. I thought-"

"Yeah. We need to."

The look in his eyes made her want to weep. "Here?" she asked.

He shook his head. Not here. Not her apartment, either. Her apartment would be too dangerous, contain too many memories. He would want to hold her. Make love to her. Pretend this wasn't happening.

"Let's go to the restaurant," he suggested, seeking the familiar refuge of the place he considered their first date destination..

"No," Samantha responded quickly. "Not there." The small Thai restaurant held memories she did not want tainted. "What about Tyrone's?" she asked, naming a place close, but not too close, to the Bureau. "We can get a booth and talk - and walk across to the park if we need to."

Understanding her reasons for not wanting to visit a place they considered 'theirs', he nodded, kicking himself for being so stupid as to suggest it.

Still holding carefully to the routine of one of them leaving first, forty-five minutes passed before they were finally ensconced together in a small booth in the almost empty restaurant they had agreed upon. Knowing they would have no appetite to eat, they ordered coffee and then sat looking at each other across the expanse of table between them.

Samantha broke the heavy silence.

"What happened?" she asked.

Jack looked down at his hands. "It was bad. She confronted me about having an affair. Wanted to know who it was. I couldn't deny the affair, but I wouldn't say who. She was crying. And angry. Threatened to take the girls and leave. We argued until we were both hoarse. Then we talked. We're going to try to work it out, somehow."

"I can't believe she didn't kick you out, Jack."

He nodded. "I'd have deserved it. And we may separate at some point, if that helps." He fingered his napkin, refusing to meet her eyes. "It'll take time for us to get past this. I never, the whole time you and I were together, thought about how this would affect Maria. She and I haven't been happy, but she never expected me to-" He stopped, then resumed quietly, "I wasn't fair to her. Nor to the girls. If Maria leaves and takes them, I don't know what I'd do."

"I hope you told her it was over."

Jack looked up in surprise. Slowly, he nodded. "I told her keeping the family together was the most important thing right now. I told her that I love her - and I do, just not-" He stopped, unable to finish. _Just not the way I do you..._

She took strength, in some strange masochistic way, from his unspoken words. "It's okay, Jack," she said, screaming silently inside that it was not.

"No, it isn't." He waited a moment and when she didn't respond, added, "I've made a mess of it. You have every right to be angry. This isn't fair to you, isn't what I-."

Samantha broke into his words. "Stop.We made a mess of it. We - It hasn't been just all about you, Jack." She looked down at her clasped hands and forced them to relax. Slowly raising her eyes to meet his, she schooled her features.

"We did something we shouldn't have," she said. Pausing a moment, she then reached across the table to lightly touch the back of his hands. She loved the feel of his skin beneath her finger tips. "Not something we totally regret," she admitted honestly, "but definitely something we shouldn't have.God, Jack - when you sit back and think about it, we were crazy. Imagine how it would look to anyone else."

She gave his hands a brief squeeze, then released them and sat back. "And now we have to end it." She looked away from him, then forced her eyes to meet his. "Do I want to? No," she admitted, still insisting on the truth. "But should we? Yes, absolutely. We have to."

"I dragged you into something I never should have."

Samantha shook her head. "You didn't drag me into anything. I'm an adult. You chose to ignore your vows and I was happy to go right along and ignore the rest of your life, too, remember? You- We-" She suddenly seemed at a loss for words. Thinking hard, she leaned on the table and clasped her hands tightly in front of her. "I've never felt what I feel for you before. I guess it kinda threw me off balance. I told myself I could just keep part of you to myself, that we could have what we have and not affect anything outside our relationship - and that nothing outside our relationship would affect us." She shrugged. "I was stupid and I was wrong. All the things I thought were outside our relationship were right there in bed with us. I just didn't want to see them."

The honesty of the emotion between them could not counterbalance the dishonesty of the relationship they had built from it. She closed her eyes, and for a fleeting moment wished she could get up and walk away. Leaving, though, would mean leaving Jack. She couldn't do that. Not yet.

They paused when the waiter brought them their coffees. Thanking him and waiting for him to turn and walk away, they busied themselves with taking a first sip of dark brew. Completely in step with one another, they set their mugs down on the table.

"Can we do this?" he asked abruptly. With all his heart, he wanted to keep his family. And with all his heart, he didn't want to say goodbye to her. Just as he would rather have had his mother remain in his life on any terms, he wanted Samantha to remain in his life now. On any terms.

Having already debated the issue, Samantha knew the answer to that came down to the fact that she felt better being around him than anywhere else. She liked working with him. Liked having his friendship. Liked their easy camaraderie. And she liked her job, her co-workers, and everything about her present existence. Could she go back to having just that and not the affair that had sprung from it? Could she content herself with that? Pretend loving him had not happened? Pretend they had never shared a bed or simply longed for each other's company? Could she pretend she didn't remember the feel of his hands on her body, the slow heat rising as he touched her just so...

She moved restlessly, trying to dislodge her thoughts. One thing was plain: she didn't want to live without him.

Jack sat and watched her. Fearful of what her answer might be, he reached across the table and grasped her hand tightly. "I don't want you out of my life completely."

She looked up into his eyes and saw that he was as desperate to keep her near as she was to keep him close by. Knowing it would not always be easy, knowing that there was every chance it was a mistake, she still said, "We can do it. We'll just go back to the way we were before. We've been lovers and now we're not. We'll move on."

She felt the loss in the pit of her stomach. It was over. Her happiness, her security, her revelling in at last having someone who completed her...it was gone. Riding quickly on the tail of that sense of loss, however, was the knowledge that she'd be okay. And beneath that was an assurance that it was over for a good reason, that she could go on, that she would one day meet someone else who made her feel the way he did - someone who smiled and made her heart melt, someone who, just by walking into the room quickened her pulse...

...And still further down, beneath even that, something else lay in a dark corner of her heart. Lying quietly and curled up small, there was hope. An etheral, unacknowledged hope that this was merely a stumbling block. A hope that one day what they had shared would conquer all, and that by some miracle they would be together again. She knew she had his love. That it had to be put away in a hidden spot, that she had to pretend it didn't exist hurt, but it was a hurt she could bury. Right next to the hope.

She nodded. "We can do it," she said, again, her voice matter-of-fact. She looked into his eyes and held his gaze steadily. "I like you, Jack Malone. I like you a lot. And not just because of the way you make love to me." A flash of humour quirked her lips. "I just hope you don't mind if I continue to find you sexy as hell."

Jack's eyes widened, then a tension drained from him. She had just offered the footing they would stand on. Given them the way to handle this. Looking deep into her eyes, he answered in kind. In a husky voice, his eyes still tinged with painful longing, he murmered, "In that case, I hope you don't mind if I continue to find you a terrible temptation."

They shared a long look of understanding.

Finally, they both inhaled deeply and broke the spell.

Their relationship declared over, they smiled at each other. What they would build from its ruins, they' weren't sure, but they would build it together.

End  
Fallen 3

Well....does it work, or not?


End file.
